Fables and Revelations

I feel hot but cold, shivering in the heat of the night. My fever creeps like a thief ready to consume me whole and choke me from behind and steal my sense of warmth. I brace myself as I shudder at the thought of the work I have tomorrow, ready to greet me as the new day dawns and the orangy light-yellow rays of the mid morning sun splashes into my room and add a dash into dreay dull beidge wall that seem to hde a hue of pink. I'm tired Iam but I can't sleep, my eyes will not obey my will, and my mind is buzzed with thoughts and dreams of daily events, of ideas and goals and of endless surprises and disappointments. My friend just told me, what I don't know will not hurt me, till I find out, it's ten fold. How true his words, I went for my class to night to find a friend sitting outside with two of her dogs and I asked her about the third one, my favourite one. Appreantly the dog went missing that very afternoon, I was sad though but I didn't want to show it as she...

I swear sometimes I really feel that people are seriously picking on me, then when I point it out they make it feel like it's my fault. I'm sure it happens to everyone. It is however tremendously annoying. My parents keep egging me to quit, on days like this I really feel like walking away from everyone. I had a friend whom I thought acted like a jerk but he turned around and made it seem like I was the one that was making a big deal out of things. I feel so fucked up seriously. It's been like this for a while and I hate it. It really really sucks, and I hate this impending doom of an attitude that he has. I thought it was seriously not cool what he did to me but he said I made a mountain of of a molehill. I'm really bothered by it, respect my views if you want me to respect yours. This world is just fucking sliding.

I'm in a quirky mood so I'm gonna write a quirky story about Alice and her cat. Alice was suppose to go clubbing with her friends at club carribean but she got off the wrong stop at the train station. She had to squeeze her way through the wondering crowd and find herself a directory that was near by. As she stood in front of the directory, a persian cat with huge white teeth came from behind and wrapped his tail round her feet. He grinned as he looked up at her, bright and confident. He was obviously a big hungry cat that was eyeing Alice's bag of sparkly colourful star candies that she was carrying in her right hand. The huge white cat purred and swirled his white fluffy tail around her little feet ever so gently. It kept purring sweet nothings as it cuddled up beside her. It was an adorable cat no doubt, nice fluffy fur, cute little pink paws and such a big white grin. The cat kept on purring in need of attention. Alice felt sorry for this beautiful lost cat that was pur...

I sat down today and opened some of my older works that I dide 6 months ago and suddenly without a thought I was hit by a bout of ideas for my “works” page for my current website that has been sitting around feeling damp, dull and uninspired from exhaustion. It was odd I have been rather burnt out in terms of ideas for the last couple of months though, for my experimental works. Hopefully, in the next couple of days I would be able to churn out more works and put up my experimental works on my site. It’s been too long since I did that. Longing for silence, in this chaotic senseless environment. Finding solace, finding myself. Searching for time, searching for inspiration, searching in a world that seems to hold nothing for me. Ghostly outstretched hands, empty rooms and hollow screams.

What do you when you feel crushed to the bone? Though I believe we make our own luck I start to doubt myself sometimes, things have been turning their backs on me and flipping out. Just on Friday as I was at MC and about to down Rag my Mac just died on me. Running half hyperventilating I hurried to the Mac service centre to get it check it in fear that I would lose everything in my hard disk. The fear was so real. The disappointment is very real I guess, it’s been a week long of disappointments. Losing on rolls and listening to crap and taking crap from people. Snide remarks were just raining on my weekend. Everyone knows how badly I want to go and study and how much I have been working towards it to make it happen. I have not given up on that idea and I’m still going to work it out, no matter how much it takes. I thought I could study in November, I applied for it and made all the arrangements and lo and behold, now I am unable to take a loan because my guarantor backed out on me. I u...

It seems like such a struggle to change one’s inherent personality. Perhaps because I’m never been one to force a change in myself, I like to sit back and let changes in life lift me up like a little pebble in the stream and push me as I rough and tumble along, perhaps until I take a take a new shape from all the friction that grazed my soul. Well, change can be a positive thing or for some people thoroughly painful and tormenting. It can produce wonderful results or just allow one to slide into the playground of utter depression for trying to find a sense of self in the rather murky depths of sheer despair. Take our everyday remote control, it’s been improved and upgraded so many times, it’s now filled with a zillion redundant buttons that I don’t even need. It’s like a monstrosity sitting on the couch. All I need is to switch channels, but they have buttons for everything from changing views to god knows what they have on the damn remote. Keep it simple. As with life, I don’t underst...